EGD Update!

I actually never watched this show but yay
Patrick Dempsey! 

Well, that was nothing like I expected! I have no soreness (I expected a really sore throat) and I remember everything (I think!). Mostly what I remember are the people that took care of me. My anesthesiologist, who was basically Dr. McDreamy, held my hand, stroked my hair, and made gentle remarks about how well I was doing throughout the whole thing. One of the technicians rubbed my cheek, looked me in my eyes, and told me not to worry; he was going to take care of me like I was his own mother (?!), and when the nurse who lovingly took care of me all day wheeled me to the car she hugged me tight and wished me luck. Everyone made me feel like a friend or a loved one. Is that normal??

I did gag and cough the entire time. Oh and apparently I have a hiatal hernia that she is going to fix for me while she as me on the table in March. More on that when I figure out exactly what it is. For now? I am HIGH. I am going to nap and maybe edit and post this when I feel a little more…me? 

EGD Day!

Today, actually in the next hour or so as I begin writing this, I will be going to the hospital for my EGD test. From what I understand, this is nothing to be too worried about, as basically my surgeon is just going to be putting a tiny camera down my throat to look at my esophagus and all of the fun stuff that she will have to contend with when my actual surgery comes.  The procedure itself I’m not worried about. I am always worried when it comes to being under sedation, however. For this I will be put in a, “twilight sleep – just sedated enough to be calm and compliant and follow the surgeon’s instructions.” Fucking creepy. Why would anyone put it that way? Although I do not remember much of what happened the last (and only other) time I was put under, I do remember a lot of flailing and several nurses trying to calm me down as I woke up. Supposedly I won’t even remember anything about what happens this go around. That is also creepy. I really hate not being in control of myself.  I guess I will update with my memories, or lack there-of, later. FOR SCIENCE!  

Looks...terrifying! Thanx Google search! 

The muffuletta incident

Well, I knew that it was bound to happen eventually, but I am still ashamed of myself. Yesterday I was sitting at home, chatting with my husband as he flipped through news stories, and I saw something that made me instantly say, “I have to have that before surgery!” That something was a local deli-made muffuletta. Ah, the memories.

Let me explain, when I was young, a teenager, my dad loved this little local-owned Italian restaurant called Dominic’s. Hell, everyone in my home town loved that place. Dominic was a loud, boisterous Italian guy who had celebrity and political buddies. He ruled his kitchen with an iron fist. It wasn't uncommon to see Dominic slap one of cooks on the back of the head if he was bringing out orders too slowly. He typically personally greeted everyone who stepped into his restaurant with a, “Hey, Cuz!” that everyone loved. There was a kind of “wink, wink – nudge, nudge” acknowledgement that he had mob ties. All of that aside, his food was absolutely amazing.

We rarely dined-in anywhere, but my dad would frequent Dominic’s for muffuletta take-out. He would get one for himself, one for my mom, and one for me and my friends to share. Dad always ate his whole muffuletta in one sitting, which is quite a feat if you know what a muffuletta is. It is a sandwich that has an entire pound of meat and cheese on it. The bread is larger than a human head. The typical styrofoam takeout box? Yeah, a muffuletta fills it completely.

1/4 of this thing is 750 calories. This is a pic
of one from Central Grocery in N.O.

So, why did I want one of these monsters so badly? And why now? Well, having transplanted here to sunny Florida from Louisiana, this time of year always makes me a little nostalgic. Mardi Gras parades, Fat Tuesday, the celebrations, the liquor, the food – all fond memories. Something that I didn’t know growing up is that muffulettas are very Louisiana, specifically New Orleans. I had always assumed that they were an Italian thing, which they are, but they originated in New Orleans at Central Grocery. They were an invention of convenience for Italian immigrant workers who came in for lunch and juggled separate servings of olives, cheese, salami meats, and bread.

I actually had no idea of the sandwich’s origin before yesterday when my husband showed me the news article he was reading about where to find Fat Tuesday worthy food here in our town. After Dominic’s shut its doors in the early 2000’s, I could never find another good muffuletta. There were a couple of places that tried, but they were what the P-zone was to a calzone – crappy knock-offs.  It was the same story everywhere else in the country my husband and I have traveled to. And here – I looked over the menus of the Italian restaurants here hoping to find one when we moved here to no avail. I had, in fact, given up. And suddenly here was this news article talking about a local deli – Jay’s Marketplace – that makes them fresh to order. His bread is even brought in from New Orleans! He makes his own olive “salad”. I thought of all the carbs in the bread, the fatty meats, and (my favorite) all of the olives; then I thought about how post-op I would never, ever be able to enjoy one of these again. Ever.  And so I blurted it out, “I have to have that before surgery! Today. Now!” My husband laughed, but he indulged me.

It’s common for people who are having weight loss surgery to have what is called, “a food funeral” for their favorite fatty foods. It’s a way to say goodbye and to then be able to be done with it. Honestly, this had some emotional significance for me. I have a lot of good memories tied up with these sandwiches. A boy who was very much like my brother and I used to split these. We would each gorge ourselves on half of the sandwich, then groan and take a nap together. He loved them so much. I miss him every day. Plus my dad – I rarely remember him being as happy as he was with a muffuletta, as sad as that is.

I decided to log this into myfitnesspal because I do want to keep myself accountable for both the good and bad. Jay’s website helpfully had all of the ingredients listed and in what quantity, so it was just a case of entering it all in and seeing how many calories it is. 3,000. It was 3,000 delicious, artery-clogging calories. I didn’t eat it all yesterday, and I am having sooooo much guilt for eating any of it at all. However, I got to say goodbye. Today I am back on track. Nobody’s perfect, and I think that it is important to acknowledge my mistakes. This is that acknowledgement.  I think it is appropriate to send it off N.O. style, don’t you?

(Okay, so not a funeral procession - but still!) ;)

Fitness goals! (Soren High)

I saw this amazing video today. I never really gave much thought to the shape pole dancers have to be in to do what they do. This gal (Soren High) is pretty much amazing. She's unique, tattooed, and damned graceful. Gah! I would love to be able to move like her! Also, she smokes a lot of pot apparently. Give her a look! Shes a little bundle of ink, dreads, and bong resin.

Officially, one of my goals once I am able is to learn how to do this. I will probably not do it too well as I have -zero- grace, but once I'm down to 180 or so I'm on this!

The first big loss! (582)

I just got back from my last nutrition class (6/6) and found out that I lost NINETEEN FREAKING POUNDS!!!!!!!

I am so elated! I honestly cannot fully believe it. I don't feel 19 pounds lighter and I certainly don't look any lighter, but hell - I'll take it! I lost almost 20 pounds in eight days. Doesn't seem healthy; but neither is being more than 400 pounds overweight, amiright?! This means that as long as I maintain this loss I have lost more than enough for my surgeon to go through with the surgery. Actually, this means that I am only a pound away from reaching my personal goal of 20 before my appointment on March 18th. 

So, what have I been doing? Not exercising; not really. I move my body around when I am conscious of the amount of time I have been just sitting or laying around. I also take my dogs on (very) brief walks several times a day. Other than that? Nothing yet. On the other hand I have been sticking pretty well to my 1500 calorie a day goal. I have not done well on the 2 liquid meals thing, however. I find that I need a small nibble during the day. I have kept it healthy and under calorie count, so I think I am good. For example, today I had about a dozen baby carrots and a couple of tablespoons of hummus. I still drank both of my protein shakes, as well. I am still way under calorie goal. 

I'm not sure that there is too much more to say today! I am going to keep pushing with the 1500 calorie a day diet until March 9th, when I begin the official pre-op diet. At that point I will have to be strict with my liquids. My goal is to check back in on here after my EGD on 2/25. 

Where I am and where I am going (601)

I will begin by saying that I will not be going over every detail of how I gained as much weight as I have and why I am as large as I am – there is no point in it and it doesn't make for very good reading. Yes, I have tried many diet and exercise programs with successful weight loss. I eventually gained all of the lost weight back plus more. Yes, I have a hormonal disorder that makes losing weight more difficult than the average person. Yes, I am undergoing gastric sleeve surgery which is extreme and risky. I will say that I have a very significant amount of weight to lose and that my first step in conquering this monster that is being morbidly obese for good begins now. At this moment, as per my weigh-in at my doctor’s office, I weigh 601 pounds. 601; really. I am 5’8 and 33 years old. My ideal goal is somewhere in the neighborhood of 160, but that is a goal for another day.  In total, I want to lose about 440 pounds. That is more than an above average obese person weighs. I need to lose the equivalent of two average male  NFL fans basically (zing!).

I loved this guy, by the way.

Right now my goal is to lose 20 pounds before March 18^th. In order for the surgeon to go ahead with my surgery I must have lost at least 10 pounds. Her words were, “… the more you lose the easier it will be for me.” Between now and then I have a meeting with my nutritionist on the 17^th (one week from today), and I would like to show some progress.

So, what am I doing right now to lose? Yesterday I started something akin to my pre-surgery diet. I have a protein shake for breakfast, a protein shake for lunch, and a normal dinner. I realize this sounds very reminiscent of the old Slimfast commercials, and essentially it is the same thing but with more nutritious shakes. I have done pretty well both days. Yesterday I did have a couple of pieces of turkey sausage along with my EAS AdvanEDGE café caramel shake for breakfast so it was a bit of a cheat, but I still managed to stay under calorie goal for the day (1500). It’s a start.

Exercising at my size is an issue, but I do a little movement throughout the day.  I take my two big dogs for short walks/potty breaks throughout the day. I randomly lift my arms and legs. I do lunges while I’m standing around. I would love to do more formal exercise, but I suspect that I will have to start with walking. Right now my goal is to make it to the park at the end of the block and back. My back hurts so badly at the end of that walk that I can hardly move. I get these knots on either side of the small of my back when I stand or walk for more than a few minutes and it is really annoying.

Right! Here starts my accountability. I am using the Lose It website, I am following my diet, and I am hoping to get in some exercise. I will update in a week and see where my progress is. Thanks for following along! 

The Gypsy Moth

My first instinct upon making this blog was to use some sort of butterfly imaging – as if I am changing into a beautiful butterfly ready to take flight. As I searched through image after image of the colorful insect I came to the conclusion that – this just isn’t me. I am certainly going through a change – but a colorful butterfly I am not, nor will I ever be. I am plain, earthy, and maybe even a little ugly. I am not a fancy flying pink butterfly. I am not a luna moth, unique and intriguing. I, like so many people, am a plain moth in the world of butterflies . A gypsy moth – common, brown, and destructive.  And so, here I am at the beginning of the biggest change in my life – a journey from unhealthy and on the verge of death to healthy  and thriving. I am really glad that you are giving it a read and I hope that my story can inspire you.